An Invitation

I got an invitation this weekend from my sister in Iowa, where all but one of my family resides. It was an invitation to spend Thanksgiving with them this year. It has been 4 or 5 years anyway, since I've seen any of them - both parents and their respective spouses, my brothers and my sisters. With my new-found freedom comes the generally unimpeded chance to actually do what I've allowed to be neglected, for far too long. Yes, I want to see my family again. I want to be the one to go to them, and not expect them to come to me as in years past. The thought of it is a very pleasant one, but it does have a bittersweet component.

I've become such a part of my "extended" family, and so attached to them that the thought of even a short-duration trip to see my parents and siblings feels like I'm going to school for the very first time. For the first time in over two years, I would be without the people who have cared for and about me, protected me, and have allowed me to do the same for them. I would miss them greatly, and mutual worry would be a part of my absence. A 4 or 5 day trip would be partially consumed by 2 days of driving at least 12 hours.

This is something I probably have to do, to continue to repair the damage I have allowed to happen in the past. The thought of it makes me uneasy in ways. My extended family needs me, and I need them. Yet I know I need to restore relationships with my bio family as well. It is a bit of a struggle I need to work with.